It Hurts

Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt? You can't see them and you feel pain. You can't hold them, kiss them, or hear their voice and you feel physically Ill. I have and I do. It's so hard to have a relationship with someone you can't see whenever you want. It's hard to want to feel their touch, their kiss and hear their voice. You do anything you can to feel close to them. A song, a piece of clothing, a picture beside your bed. It only seems to remind you that you have no idea the next time you will be near them. Are they oblivious to all of these feelings you have? Do they know, you tear up when you hear a song that reminds you of them? A scent of their soap can make you stand still.

You hear footsteps and think is it, you know its not. A voice can make you turn your head. Every day seems to drag on and feels like an eternity. You fell for them and you didn't have a choice. It seemed to be destiny. It was fate putting you together and life pulling you apart. Your body aches for the touch you so much want to feel and you lie awake even though you are exhausted. You close your eyes and see their face, hear their voice, feel their touch...you wake with a jump hoping that it wasn't a dream. You look around, realize it was, and try try try to sleep again.

You watch others with their families, loves and it hurts to see them together. You don't want to feel this way but it creeps up on you. You wait for the call or text message, it lets you know they are thinking of you. You wonder do they feel the way I do or am I just too damn emotional. You wonder things that shouldn't even cross your mind. Who are they with? You know they love you. You know they've told you, its only you. Idle time does things to a person, makes them doubt what they are so sure of when they are with the one they love. You think what are they doing? Do they wonder these things about me? You worry because you are not there for them.

Will someone else come along and steal away their heart, while you are so far away? Will they look at someone else because they want the lonely to go away? You know that you have to trust them. They haven't done one thing to make you feel this way, think this way or doubt what they say. You worry about everything. Then comes the time when you are with them and you think "I am so dumb. It is so obvious they love me. They missed me. Why do I torture myself?" You never really know why you do this to yourself. It could be because others have failed you. Old loves, family, friends or just life it's self.

You wish for sleep to come, take away your blues, dry your tears and make it all okay. You wish for the sun to shine in the morning, and all these thoughts to float away with the moon. Do they? Maybe, you have to keep on, life will leave you behind, it stands still for no one and no one's pain. You hope that tomorrow you have the strength to not allow these bad, crazy, sad thoughts into your mind. You wait for that little sign that they have the same disease, Love. It makes you happy and sad all at the same time. It can make you king/queen of the world or devistate you into oblivion.

I guess that's why there are so many books, counselors, and friends for you to lean on. You feel like a burden to your friends, they can't possibly want to hear this 1,000 times, you start a blog. WOW, maybe I'm a writer at heart. If I could piece this all together I could publish it and maybe make a few bucks, having complete strangers in tears. Off to dreamland, well I hope so.