Lonely

It is amazing that you can be surrounded by a million people in a day and still be lonely. I'm no longer amazed by that because I live it everyday. I am looking for what my life is going to become, I know what I want. I know how I want it to all play out but my timeframe is not going to be abided by that I am sure of.

I am in love with a wonderful man whom I miss so much it hurts. He's working out of town, but I knew this when I met him. Did I really expect this to change because of me? I didn't count on falling in love with him so quickly. I dont want to imagine being without him. I am willing to forge through this to be with him. Everyone around me thinks I'm crazy. I am a little bit.

Well there isn't much to say really: I love him, he loves me and we see where it goes.

To the One I hurt

I hurt someone that I loved. I betrayed their trust and I am so sorry. I allowed outside sources and negativity to make me suspicious when they did not deserve it. I can only say that as things happen to us in life, we become suspicious and cynical. It shouldn't be that way. Especially me! I had so much torture in my life. I have been hurt by the people whom told me they loved me most.

I have become cynical, suspicious and distrusting. I vow at this point in my life, I'm giving this up. I may have destroyed the one thing that I wanted most in my life. The love I always wanted by being just plain suspicious, without cause.

If my love decides to go, I will know it was because I couldn't let go of the past. I am going to see my Doctor and I will find away to get over all this. I do not want to hurt anyone the way I have been hurt. I apologize, deeply, and from the bottom of my heart, my love.

If you read this my love, please find a way to give me another chance. I will earn your trust back, I promise you this. And know that I now understand how badly I hurt you and I want to make it right. Please try to see that my intentions were not to hurt you or anyone else. Especially not the ones that you love, not them and not you.

So here is a warning to the rest of you = Let it go or it will tear you down.

Another Week goes by

It's been over 3 months since we have started dating. It has been tough at times, since we don't see each other as much as we want. The texts and phone calls are nice though. To hear his voice, and those words "I love you baby". It sends me into a tailspin and makes me smile. I know even though his away from me, his heart is here with me and mine is there with him. We haven't seen each other this week, and it has been hard. I miss his smile, his touch, his laugh and that wonderful way he looks at me. I have his picture beside my bed. I tell him good night every night and good morning every morning. He is on my mind, no matter what it is that I am doing.

I have the kids again. This is my weekend, had them last weekend for a night and day. It's always good to spend time with my babies. We went to a movie with my cousin and her kids. The movie "eclipse", it was good but left me wanting to see him and feel his touch. It made me miss him and every touch between the lovers made me yearn to hold him. I know how "bella" feels cause I'm right there with her. It's a long holiday weekend and it will be a lot of swimming and hanging out with my cousin. I am so exhausted that I look forward to sinking into that bed and dreaming of my man.

I will dream of him as I always do. He is there to hold me when I close my eyes, if only in my dreams for now. He told me he always dreams of me and that I am so beautiful. It makes my heart beat fast and a smile appear from nowhere. I believe him. It's not a line with him. I am so lucky to have found that one person, my soulmate.