just because

Have you ever had a person in your life, that seems to know when you need them. They send you a message or call you when you are down even though you haven't told them anything. I use to think it was coinceidence but now I think he can sense my mood. It seems like I've lost my mind to say that but it has happened too many times to just be an accident.

I have had a bad day today. It's that time of the month again, so I'm sure some of the blues are hormonal. The other part is he (A) told me I probably wouldn't see him at all next week. I only saw him on monday of this week. I miss him like crazy when I don't get to see him. I'm head over heels in love with a man who works a majority of the time. I'm glad he has a good work ethic and that he is an upstanding person. On the other hand I have purely selfish thoughts of wanting to see him 10 x more than I do.

He is worth waiting for, a wonderful man. He tells me he misses me and loves me all the time. When he told me he wouldn't see me he sounded as broken hearted about it as I was. I said that sucks. What else could I say. I told him he didn't know what a day off was, kinda jokingly, because friday was my day off. He's on my mind constantly. I can't focus on work, friends or house work for that matter.

I have bills, so many. I have to get a loan and I can't even get the internet to co-operate to download the stinking forms. Things are rough right now. I'm emotional, needy and lonely. I know I should be focusing on who I am since I ended my marriage. I am so use to taking care of everyone, that I don't know what to do when everyone is gone. I think a lot of women go through this when they have to send their kids off to their father's for the weekend. The difference for me is they live with him right now. I made that decision for two reasons - 1. so that my son would be able to stay in his class and school - less disruption. 2. so that he wouldn't fight me- since he got what he asked for. Well all he is doing using the kids against me.