Kids/ My thoughts

I had the kids yesterday. It's always nice to spend time with them. I can see the behaviorial problems and they are getting worse. I need to make an appointment with a counselor for them but it has been so hectic I haven't gotten that done at this point.

I got to see A as well, for a few hours at least. He is such a hard worker. Our time together is precious and I enjoy every moment. I will be glad once his job at least slows down, so that he can get some rest. He didnt come down monday because he was just so beat. He had to be in town yesterday to work anyways, so he came by afterwards.

I wish I had met him first. He is just such a caring, sweet and compassionate person. He can read me and knows when to just hold me. I always heard the complaint before (ex), "I dont know what you want". I know why he (ex) didnt know because he didnt want to know. My ex wasn't listening or paying attention. He just decided it wasn't worth his effort to care about anyone but himself. Oh yeah and I was the one who was selfish, for wanting a little time to myself.

I think in a relationship, we all need some time to ourselves. I have time to myself now but I don't really want it. I would love to be able to see A every afternoon but that is not how it is. He is worth waiting on. I don't want to imagine my life without him. He doesn't talk like he is going anywhere either. I told him that I could file for divorce in February 2011, I actually have the date marked on my calendar. He was like "whoo hoo", throw a party. Of course he said I would forget about him once that happened. I told him "no way". He is what my heart has been looking for all these years.

My heart skips a beat when he calls, texts, or is close by. I get so excited when I hear from him. He calls just to say he misses me. It is so nice to have someone attentive. He said he has me figured out, you know what he does. If I am in a bad mood, having a bad day, or he senses I'm pulling away or isolating myself, he will reach over to me and pull me right into his arms. This is what I need. He asks me what I am thinking, feeling, and what I want. When I am in his arms I feel safe, loved and protected. I am comfortable around him and have been since day one.

The way he looks at me, if you have a man who can melt you with a look, you are lucky. When his eyes are on me, I feel his love, passion and caring for me. All he has to do is look at me and I smile. He told me when I was driving down to see him last week, "You have a big smirk on your face don't you, I know you". I did, couldn't help myself. I was so glad I was going to see him. I really wish there was a way to truly describe how he makes me feel but I can't seem to put it in words. Sometimes I just say "mmmmm". I sigh or just smile for no reason at all.

He sure has me, doesn't he. I like it this way. I look forward to every communication with him. Maybe as others say it's good he is a little distance away, don't want to over do it. Right now we get to cherish the time and hold each other, knowing it won't be very long and it will be a wait until we see each other again. I don't ever want to let him go, of course I have to. Sometimes at night, I close my eyes and picture him with his arms around me. It helps me to sleep.

He's a big guy and for him to be so sweet, it just amazes me. I'm glad no one else has figured out how wonderful he is. I know he's dated other girls prior to me but I know it hasn't been serious. He has told me that it wasn't serious. I think that our feelings for each other, took us both by surprise. He has told me that he is not scared of his feelings for me. That there is no reason to be. He is a good man and I love him. I know it's been a short period of time but I do. He told me he loves me too and I can look in his eyes when he tells me and know that he means it.

It's hard at times but it's because of the other crap I've been through. I finally found someone who is just honestly a good person. In our relationship, I am not the one always texting and just hoping he responds. He will text me first sometimes too. He gets a little impatient sometimes if I don't answer. It's cute actually cause I know he just is anxious to talk to me. He makes the effort to see me as often as he can. I have gone to see him some. He usually comes up to see me. I have a little more privacy. He shares an apartment.

We will have to see where this goes. I am working towards a wonderful, fulfilling, loving, long relationship with A.