It's been a long time

Well, it's been a while since I posted. So much is going on and I can't put it out for the world to read. I can say I'm still in love with him.

Let's go here.... Trust
I have so many people in my ear. I really dont know whom to trust. Everyone seems to have their own agenda these days. Is it that they like me and want to see my relationship fail? Are they jealous of what I have with him? Do they want me not to get hurt? Who knows. I do know that I trust him. If he tells me something I'm taking him at his word.

.....Leaving...
He has to go away for work. I am upset about it. What can I do? Nothing. I know he doesn't want to go for many reasons. He started to push me away. It hurt for him to do it. I understand why but it doesn't make it any easier. I don't know what he will want to do while he is gone. I have told him my feelings. I wish I knew what the end result is going to be. Maybe in my heart of hearts, I do know. I don't want to face that right now. I am going to spend what time I can with him while he is still here. I asked for us to stay as at least friends. He said that would be hard. I don't want for him to go and I never see or talk to him again. It is just too devistating. My heart is with him, I don't want it back. I want him to keep my heart and to keep loving me.

.....Why.....

I keep asking, why did I meet him for him to be taken away from me? I have enjoyed being with him and love him with all my heart. I don't understand why he has to be ripped out of my life. I ask God but I haven't gotten an answer. Maybe I will never have an answer. He is so good to me. He is a good man. He is what I have been wanting in my life. So again I ask.... Why?

.....Distance.....

A long distance relationship is hard. It must be based on trust or it will drive you crazy. I never had one before and had trouble dealing with it in the past. The distance will be greater between us now in a few weeks but I still long to be his "baby". I am willing to trust, have faith and love him while he is gone. I haven't gotten an answer for what it is he wants to do yet. I know this is hard on him as well. I know that he was hoping he would be coming back home.

....Love.....

That's what I have for him and my heart will be his weither he stays or gos.