Really

I sit here and am more confused by relationships now than I was when I was a teenager. People's words and actions dont match. They say one thing and do something that makes you feeling the total opposite. I dont only mean relationships between men and women. I mean friendships as well. I am 35 and just dont know what to believe. I dont know who to trust and whom to believe. I sit here wishing I had some type of magic mirror that would allow me to see what and whom to believe and who not.

I am alone and really dont like it. I am not the person who can be ok with not taking care of others. I fell for someone really hard and it hasnt been easy since. I wish I could get back to the first days that we went out. It was fun, exciting, and we saw each other. Now it's filled with jobs, kids and obstacles. I love my kids and so does he. They are a blessing and what we both live for. The jobs..wow... where do I even begin. It is so hard to be here while he is there. It's a possibility that he could be sent further away then he is now or stay where he is. It would be nice if he could come back closer to home, just for a little while. I want our relationship to have the time and attention it needs to grow.

I guess love is not easy, it is hard and you have to fight every minute. I have been fighting and I will continue to do so as long as I am not the only one fighting for it to work. I love him and I believe him when he tells me that he loves me. Its life that makes this a roller-coaster ride. I am hanging on screaming. I hope that in the end this pays off. I hope that I get the result that I am wishing for, a life with him and to love him.

oh well, it is what it is, right? Fingers crossed!!!!